Kids. The little darling angels that are blossoming like butterflies into functioning respectful adults. Or to people who work with kids, little fucking demon things that make you want to tear your hair out and beat the living shit out of a field of daffodils, whilst screaming profanities.
Now kids are little demon things but they’re actually not all that bad; it really depends on the environment. On planes they’re more infuriating than dropping a full bucket of Japanese fried chicken, but put them in an environment where you are instructing or teaching them and they’re unreal. What makes them unreal in these situations is the strange, hilarious and outrageous things they say and do. In public you tend not to see the fun side of the humans in training, only the sides that annoy you more than Gangnam style annoyed any sane person over the age of 8.
To show off the lighter side of kids from the standard crying and moaning wee shits they are prone to be, I have comprised a list of things kids have said to Snowsports Instructors.
Whilst waiting in a lift line, I proceeded to tell a kid their shoelaces were untied to make them look down; said kid fell for the hilarity that is fooling another human. After fooling them again right afterwards, the kid got rather mad and proceeded to take their glove off and flip me off. Good times.
Whilst in a room for the kids to have a break in, a fellow Instructor asked a kid to draw next to someone’s drawing of Scottish things, something that’s from Hong Kong. Another kid, after hearing this, shouted over ‘DRAW PROTESTERS’.
Whilst on a chair lift with a kid, the kid sitting next to this Instructor decided to get deep, meaningful and religious. Always a crowd pleaser.
Kid: are you religious?
Instructor: No I’m not
Kid: don’t you believe in God?
Instructor: not really
Kid: what do you believe?
Instructor: well, I try to believe in myself
Kid: that sounds like you are either very lonely or depressed
On a gondola ride one child mentioned their Mum was Vietnamese, for another kid to join in with ‘my mum is Vegan’. Congratulations Vegans, you are now a nationality, can get your hemp based all natural passports from that kids Mum.
The lack of knowledge kid’s posses can be a hilarious yet shocking thing for anyone with standard human knowledge. In a gondola ride with kids doing fun facts to make everyone best pals with each other, one kid’s fun fact was ‘my fun fact is my Mum died of cancer when I was 3’. Not really a fun fact, nor fun to hear but made worse by all the other kids asking what cancer was.
Upon being asked if I was a boy or a girl, I jokingly responded ‘ouch’ a couple of times as I found it obvious what my sex is (male), to which a kid responded ‘how weak are you? Stop whining and saying ouch’ and lead to me being called ‘weak girl’ for the rest of the lesson.
Kids are demons but hilarious. I strongly advise everyone to try to work with kids once in your life, they can produce absolute belters of sentences that will keep you going through those days where you want to disrespect your surroundings, A Day To Remember style.
Swankie – 23, Scotland. Loveable Loser.
Thank you to all the Instructors who submitted to me their stories!
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