If you were in an arena of 20,000 people competing in something, would you rather have those 20,000 people cheering and screaming for you, or boo you to fuck like you’ve just stolen an old ladies zimmer frame and thrown it at a basket of newborn puppies? For the large majority, the answer would be being cheered and adored. To have people all support us and want us to succeed in a large capacity is much preferred than being despised like a satanist goth at a Jesus convention. Some of us would like to think we could handle the abuse hurled at us by thousands of people in a crowd and we’d be able to give no fucks like we’re Connor McGregor, but in reality, not everyone could handle it.
In life we all want to love and be loved, only some severe psychopaths desire to be hated by everyone and don’t even want a remote bit of love. Where we can, we want to please people and have people like us. In an ideal world, we would want everyone to like us and have not a single person dislike us but that’s as possible as winning the Monaco Grand Prix without having a drivers license. No matter if we donated 1 million dollars to sick children’s charity every month, if we discovered the cure for AIDS or we made it illegal to walk up the escalators, someone will still think ‘Nah fuck that person, they can go lick a garden fence’. It’s just how our pal life works.
Being able to accept that we’re not all going to be liked and be able to please people is hard. There’s a time in our lives where we have to accept it regardless of age or circumstances. We all will have to accept it like we accepted Santa isn’t real (sorry for the spoiler). For some people accepting it is a long process and staying away from the mindset of wanting to please everyone is extremely difficult.
I, unfortunately, am one of these people. I am a fully-fledged people pleaser and for the most part, I see it as a good thing. It’s not a bad thing at all to be a people pleaser, it’s just accepting and knowing that I won’t be able to please people, that I will have to piss a few people off and that I’m not going to be as loved as a bird loves chips by everyone, which is what I find difficult.
My difficulty with this stems from my craving for appreciation despite how I don’t take compliments or love well at all. For all my life I’ve been like this and it just got worse the older I got and the more mentally ill I became. Growing up I never felt much appreciation despite how much people like my mum and my nana would give me, I just could never accept the good things since on the daily I was being unappreciated by the masses of people in and out of school. It’s kind of shite really, but my craving to be appreciated has helped me at times along the way especially in the workplace where I try to do as best as I can and help out as much as I can so I can get a pat on the head from a senior staff member telling me I’m a good wee petal.
However, from people-pleasing I’ve managed to grow this weird complex where if someone doesn’t like me but I like them it eats me up inside and I just need to know why. If we mutually dislike each other then it’s ok I can happily have them hate me that’s fine, but when it’s the other way round, girl no. It’s something I’m really trying to work on and get over as you can’t please everyone, someone out there is going to dislike you with or without a reason. Sometimes people just need to warm up to me as I’m unapologetically myself all the time which can be a bit too much for some people when they first meet me. Sometimes they’ll just not like me or our personalities will clash and I just have to accept that and focus on being happy that some people like me. We all need to remember not everyone will think you’re as cool as the Fonz and want to make a fan club about you, along the way you will be disliked, maybe even hated, and that is just how it is.
We all want to be liked by everyone and not have someone dislike us. We all want to be appreciated and be able to please everyone, but it’s impossible. Whether people dislike you in work as you’re a manager and have to be tough or it’s because you’re unapologetically yourself at all times, it’s bound to happen. You can’t please everyone.
Swankie – 24, Scotland. Loveable Loser.