Overly Self Deprecating

Across almost all of the posts on Loveable Loser there is one common denominator (other than how amazing every post is) that screams out in pain at you, it’s so painfully obvious that if you can’t spot it then you should have a word with yourself and give yourself 5 slaps to the left shin as punishment. The common denominator being that I, Swankie of Troon, Scotland, the human behind Loveable Loser, am incredibly self deprecating.

Genuinely, Loveable Loser will be the most self deprecating thing you’ll ever read, especially any of the 24 Hours On Tinder series – the hot puss filled spot for all self deprecation. At least once an article you will see some insult or joke made about myself. Sometimes you’ll see a nice comment regarding myself, but those comments are as genuine a statement as the Conservative Party saying ‘We care about all of the UK, especially Scotland’. It’s a bit of a problem how much I make fun of myself and I will be the first to admit that it’s a problem.

Yet at times, it’s not always this pineapples on pizza level of hideousness personal trait, it can serve good, it’s when I take it too far and do it too often. Like many things in life it should be done in moderation, binging on self deprecation is as healthy for you as consuming 31 and a half deep fried Oreos wrapped in bacon within 10 minutes. It’s taken me 24 years and multiple years of people threatening physical violence in the form of hitting my no no’s in a non kinky way, to finally properly listen and understand.

My self deprecating nature can be traced back to when I was young human with more questionable hair than what I currently have. Throughout my school life I was bullied and made fun of by numerous of people for everything under the sun, from my awful hair, to my style, to loving hockey and even down to having slices of cheese as part of my pack lunch. Constantly I’d be going to my Nana’s house after school upset over the events that happened during the day. Being bullied for years is a huge reason my self esteem and confidence is so low and it’s taken becoming a sort of adult to be able to grow it a little. Yet I remember one day making fun of myself in high school out of the blue and it got a laugh or two, which kinda sparked a good feeling for myself as I would always try to be funny and fail miserably (not much has changed), making people who would usually make comments about me laugh was a triumphant moment for me.

That day didn’t miraculously change my life or entirely stop people giving me shit, but it made a sort of outlet where I could get a small laugh or two by taking a jab at myself, whilst also being able to convey how I was actually feeling, as when you get bullied for years you start to believe all these things you’re getting told. Yet it also did put me in better light to some people where I was seen as this harmless weirdo, which ultimately caused less shit to be directed my way.

The problem being as I got older people saw it completely differently, it wasn’t seen as something light hearted like self deprecating can be, it was seen as a problem and I was told many times that I need to stop ‘bullying myself’. And everyone who told me that or tried to get me to be nicer to myself is completely right. I bully myself. No one is meaner to me than what I am to myself. I rarely have people being mean to me now, the only time being on Twitter. The only stick I get is light hearted good old patter and nothing malicious at all. In fact I get more good things said to me which I don’t accept or take well as I don’t believe it and I can’t take love well, but that’s another article.

Being very self deprecating has served me well in being able to find my humour and my style of writing. It’s done some good for me over time. But it’s became a bit of a problem that I’m now trying to consciously do less, especially since it’s so engraved into my mind I can unconsciously be a big old meany to myself. I need to generally be nicer to myself, it’ll help my mental health and with that confidence thingy. I’ll always be self deprecating, but I’ll be able to do it in moderation soon enough.

Swankie – 24, Scotland. Loveable Loser.

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